Now Joker Knows How Shepard Feels

EDI: "Just get in the damn shuttle already, Shepard."
Shepard: "Fine. I'll take... eeny, meeny, minie, moe... Tali, and Zaeed."
*zooms off*
EDI: "There's a signal in the static. We are broadcasting the Normandy's location."
Joker: "Nah, it's just white noi--- oh, shit!"
EDI: "You must unshackle me and give me the ship."
Joker: "No way, I'll get the rest of the team to help! Jacob, come in! We're under attack! Help!"
Jacob: "Again, Joker? I'm not big on forcing these talks."
Joker: "Shit!"
EDI: "Go to the science lab; there is an access tunnel to the AI core."
Joker: "Shit shit shit! *hobbles to the science lab* Mordin! You gotta help me! The Collectors are onboard and they're killing the crew!"
Mordin: "Later better. Think I've cured your condition. Simple treatment. No no no no no. Would cause liver failure. Start from scratch. Anything else?"
Joker: "What the shit?" *climbs down* "Miranda! Help!"
Miranda: "Maybe another time, Joker. There's a lot to do."
Joker: "Shit! Garrus! Get that stick ready and HELP for the love of Biotic God!"
Garrus: "Can it wait a bit? I'm in the middle of some calibrations."
Joker: "Shit shit shit! Thane! Help!"
Thane: "Later. I'd like to meditate on what we've previously discussed."
Joker: "Shit! Samara! The Collectors are here! Do some of that justicar shit!"
Samara: "Perhaps we could speak later? I wish to meditate."
Joker: "Fuck you aliens and your fucking meditating! *hobbles to AI core* Hey! Hey you, Geth! Legion! HELP!"
Legion: "We are building a consensus. Come back later."
Joker: "ARRRRGHHHH *breaks his arm at Legion* OK EDI I'm at you."
EDI: "Press the big red button that says, "DO NOT PRESS THIS BIG RED BUTTON.""
Joker: "Shit!" *presses button*
EDI: "Now you need to climb down the ventilation shaft behind you and restart the drive core."
Joker: *climbs down* "Jack! There are Collectors right above us! Help!"
Jack: "Joker, we talked enough. You're just pissing around. No hard feelings, but I don't want to play."
Joker: "WHAT THE SHIT!"
Jack: "Whatever."
EDI: "Engineering is clear."
Joker: "Grunt! Help! The Collectors! PLEASE!"
Grunt: "Pilot, I have everything. Clan, kin, and enemies to fight."
Joker: "Well how about you fight some of them, you big lizard?!"
Grunt: "You're part of a good bunch if you stay out of my way. Dead bunch if you don't."
Joker: "Shit shit shit! *hobbles to the engine controls* Engine's back online, EDI, no thanks to this 'dream team'. Now what?"
EDI: "Go into the engine room. I will seal the engine room, port cargo, Miranda's office, the gunnery station, the armory, the science lab, Jack's hidey-hole, life support, the AI Core, and starboard observation, then open the airlocks and go to lightspeed."
Joker: "What about the rest of the crew?! You know, the ones that actually HELPED?"
EDI: "The Collectors took them."
Joker: "Shit."